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| Domestic Violence |
Domestic Violence is a pattern of controlling behavior by one person who has or has had a personal intimate or family
relationship with another person. This may be a spouse, an ex-spouse, a live-in partner, or someone with whom you have
had a child.
Domestic Violence may include making threats to you, slapping, choking or pushing, holding you down, kicking, forcing
or pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want to, or any other type of unwanted touching. Rape is often a form of
violence used in intimate relationships.
If any of these things have happened to you, you may having feelings of helplessness, fear, shame, guilt and anger.
You may blame yourself for the things that are happening and feel responsible for what happens to your abuser There
may be other problems in your home such as lack of money and concern for children or other family members that make
it hard to leave an abusive relationship.
Domestic Violence can happen to anyone, regardless of religious, social, economic, ethnic or educational background.
Domestic Violence happens to people of all ages and in every community. Please remember that you are not alone!
There are people and agencies willing and able to help you. Other people have been where you are. In 1996, more than
4 million women in the United States were abused by their partner, and unfortunately, almost 4000 were killed. In that
same year, injuries caused by Domestic Violence hurt more women than all of the auto accidents, muggings and all
rapes combined.
If you are a victim of Domestic Violence, seek help. There are people in your community who care about you and want you to be safe.
NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED!
WARNING SIGNS
There are things that your partner may do that are considered "RED FLAGS". These red flags can help you decide whether
or not you are in a dangerous or potentially dangerous relationship. Look at this list carefully and see if any apply
to you. Does your partner-
- Tease you in hurtful ways in public and private?
- Call you names like "stupid" or "bitch"?
- Act jealous in front of you friends, family or co-workers?
- Get angry about your clothes and how you wear your hair?
- Read your mail; go through your purse or other personal items?
- Check up on you by calling, driving by or getting someone else to check?
- Make important family decisions without you because he’s the "man"?
- Insist on knowing whom you’re talking to on the phone?
- Keep money from you, keep you in debt or have "money secrets"?
- Get mad easily that you feel like you are "walking on eggshells"?
- Blame you for his problems, his moods or abusive behavior?
- Accuse you of seeing someone else?
- Drink too much?
- Use drugs?
- Insist you drink or use drugs with him?
- Threaten to hurt you, your children, your pets or other family members?
- Force you to have sex when you do not want to?
- Force you to have sex in ways that you do not want to?
- Force you to have sex to "make up" after a fight or after he has hut you?
- Threatened to kill you or commit suicide if you ever leave him?
Your safety is IMPORTANT!. If you recognize any of these "RED FLAGS" as things happening in your relationship, call
the Edgewater Police Victim Advocate at 386.424.2498.
SAFETY PLANNING
Abusers are not predictable and every case of Domestic Violence is different. Planning ahead may help keep you and
your children safe. SAFETY PLANNING IS VERY IMPORTANT!. A safety plan should be made with the help of a domestic
violence counselor or advocate. A counselor can be reached 24 hours a day at 1-800 500-1119.
Your safety plan should include:
- Decide where you can go for help. Tell someone what is happening and have phone numbers of friends, family or
a domestic violence shelter with you at all times.
- Make a "getaway bag" in case you need to leave quickly. Your "getaway bag" should include things for you and
your children that you must have or that would be hard to replace- i.e. driver’s license, copy of a birth
certificate, changes of clothing credit cards, etc.
- Teach your children emergency action; how to call 911, how to escape the house during violence and a safe
place to go once out of the house.
Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous - these are things to think about if you plan to leave or have
already left:
- Get a Post Office Box or arrange for mail to be sent to a friend’s location.
- Get an Injunction for Protection and keep it with you at all times.
- Notify your children’s schools, daycare center, or babysitter of the situation and give them copies of any
court orders relating o custody.
- DO NOT meet or contact your abuser alone under any circumstances. Have another person pick up and deliver
children for visitations. If you must meet the abuser, choose a safe, public location and take another person
with you.
- Change your routine and the routes you travel to work or school. DO NOT go to places that you and your abuser
went together, or a place where her is known to spend time.
- If you work, have a trusted co-worker screen your calls or call 911 if there is a problem.
PUBLIC MYTHS ABOUT FAMILY VIOLENCE
Myth: Spare the rod and spoil the child
Reality: Other forms of discipline and education are equally or more effective than violence.
Myth: Spouse abuse is a woman’s problem
Reality: Spouse abuse is a problem for all of us. Their wives sometimes abuse husbands. And, marital abuse helps
perpetuate and expand the acceptance of violence as mode of dealing with frustration.
Myth: Most murders are committed by strangers.
Reality: Most murders are committed by someone known to the victim.
Myth: Family violence is not a crime because it occurs in the home, and society should not become involved.
Reality: Family violence is a crime and until we deal with it like any other crime problem, our society will be rife
with violence.
Myth: Family violence mostly occurs within low social economic minority groups.
Reality: Family violence occurs in all population groups. It is as American as apple pie.
Myth: Battered women stay because they enjoy the violence. They are masochistic.
Reality: Battered women stay for a number of reasons but few people enjoy being physically abused.
Myth: Husbands have a right to keep their wives in order through physical violence.
Reality: No one has right to do violence to others.
Myth: Women won’t prosecute cases against their husbands.
Reality: In jurisdictions that offer support and a firm commitment to prosecution, women do cooperate.
VICTIM’S RIGHTS
- The right to protection from intimidation and harassment.
- The right to enforceable restraining orders
- The right to secure and safe shelter
- The right to information.
- The right to have all options and alternatives explained
- The right to information on available services and on case status
- The right to counsel.
- The right to have a friend in court for support
- The right to have charges filed by the prosecutor
- The right to have help in dealing with the system
- The right to reparations.
- The right to compensation for injuries
- The right to restitution
- The right to have restitution ordered in divorce proceedings if violence was a precursor to the divorce
- The right to property and employment.
- The right to keep the home when a separation/divorce occurs as a result of violence
- The right to employment counseling
- The right to due process.
- The right to speedy disposition of the case
- The right to use videotaped depositions in traumatic cases
- The right to have opinions taken into consideration at case disposition
- The right to be treated with dignity and compassion.
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